A Letter For Ami

Dear Ami,

I still remember the first time we met like it was yesterday. It was at the Maysaa-Yuna event at Publika back in 2010. You were shy but still so sweet when we took a picture together. It wasn't until I found out you lived in Bandar Baru Bangi that we became close friends. We had lived only a neighborhood apart. You would always ring me up and ask if I wanted to attend this event and that event together. I would always say yes if I didn't have any other plans and got excited to have you as my 'teman' to media events. We'd always discuss what we were going to wear the night before and I would go fetch you at your apartment the next day since you didn't drive. 

Before I actually got to know you on a more personal level, I saw you as this reserved, almost too serious person. But event after event, it came to my senses that you were the most friendly, funny, quirky and kind-hearted person, masyaAllah.  

Remember how we used to borrow each others stuff to wear to media events, and that time we got lost at the parking basement after IFF? I took my heels off and walked barefoot because my feet hurt so bad. Then you joked about feeling like a camel in your bulky wedges and did a camel walk which cracked me up so hard! I was literally in tears laughing! As tired as you were, you kept cheering me up with your wit and humor. I always felt comfortable and warm in your presence. It's one of your many traits that make you so lovable.

I've had nothing but great times and sweet memories with you, my dear Ami. I've admired and followed your fashion evolution, cheered for your victory battling leukemia and adored your kindness and positivity. It would break my heart every time I'd see an update regarding your health that wasn't too good. But because you were so positive and vibrant all the time, I would always tell myself, "Ami's going to be ok.." and that we'd attend more events together like always.

That all changed when I read in our scarflets whatsapp group that you were having difficulty breathing and that you haven't been able to sleep well at all. I knew that something was terribly wrong. As much as I hoped the best for you, deep down I somehow knew that this time wouldn't be the same. That day I wanted to visit you but Naz posted that you needed your rest and visits might make you even more tired. So I waited.

But as I got more heartbreaking updates, I felt like going straight to you to hug you. In our whatsapp group everyone was sharing and talking about how you were doing because we were all so worried about you. That's when I also learned that you already had a lung infection and was on morphine and oxygen support. I was very emotional not only because of you, but I just got the news that my grandmother was in critical condition after suffering a heart attack earlier in the morning. The fear of losing two people that I love was too painful to bear.

I couldn't stop thinking of you that day so I started sketching this and wanted to give it to you the next day when I visited you...

" Sputnik Sweethaert"    

But I was too late..:'(

That night we got the last text from your number

 Ami dah pergi. Semoga dia ditempatkan di tempat orang-orang yang beriman. 

26/03/2014 - 1.29am 

- Naz -

My tears fell down like a waterfall. I didn't want to believe it was true. I kept hoping that I was in some kind of dream and waited for someone to wake me up.

But then I realized that that's life. It's all temporary. Nothing is ours. Everything and everyone will leave us one day. Qada' and Qadar. To Allah we all belong and to Him we return.

I've had the best time knowing you and I can't express enough how thankful I am to Allah s.w.t to have let me 'borrow' you all these years. You've inspired so many and you're still loved by many. People from all over the world are keeping you in their duaas and praising you. That's how special you are and how big of a positive impact your spirit has made.

Dear Ami,

I hope you are no longer in pain, and happy up there. Even though you're gone, I feel like you are still here, your presence, your smile, your positivity continues to live in all of us. One day we will meet again my friend, one day.

I miss you dearly.



O Allaah, forgive and have mercy upon her, excuse her and pardon her, and make honorable her reception. Expand her entry, and cleanse her with water, snow, and ice, and purify her of sin as a white robe is purified of filth. Exchange her home for a better home, and her family for a better family, and her spouse for a better spouse. Admit her into the Garden, protect her from the punishment of the grave and the torment of the Fire.

Ameen.

Every time I close my eyes I see you in front of me
I still can hear your voice calling out my name
And I remember all the stories you told me
I miss the time you were around
But I’m so grateful for every moment I spent with you
‘Cause I know life won’t last forever..

You went so soon, so soon
You left so soon, so soon.

I have to move on ’cause I know it’s been too long
I’ve got to stop the tears, keep my faith and be strong
I’ll try to take it all, even though it’s so hard
I see you in my dreams but when I wake up you are gone..

Gone so soon..

Night and day, I still feel you are close to me
And I remember you in every prayer that I make
Every single day may you be shaded by His mercy
But life is not the same, and it will never be the same
But I’m so thankful for every memory I shared with you
‘Cause I know this life is not forever..

You went so soon, so soon
You left so soon, so soon..

I have to move on ’cause I know it’s been too long
I’ve got to stop the tears, keep my faith and be strong
I’ll try to take it all, even though it’s so hard
I see you in my dreams but when I wake up you were gone..

There were days when I had no strength to go on
I felt so weak and I just couldn’t help asking: “Why?”
But I got through all the pain when I truly accepted
That to God we all belong, and to Him we’ll return..

You went so soon, so soon
You left so soon, so soon..

I have to move on ’cause I know it’s been too long
I’ve got to stop the tears, keep my faith and be strong
I’ll try to take it all, even though it’s so hard
I see you in my dreams but when I wake up you are gone..

Gone so soon..